The baby toe on my right foot is weird. It sort of cuddles with the fourth toe but it isn’t stuck like webbed feet (reeealllly sorry for the Black Swan flashback.) It’s more like up and ONTO the fourth toe, slightly angled.
I aptly named it “The Barnacle on the USS Fourth Toe.”
My boyfriend in college hoped it would get stuck in the fan at the foot of my bed and fly off. He was seriously one of the nicest guys that anyone knew and he yet this toe made him say mean things.
When it’s time for the squishy toe-separators to go on before the painting phase of a pedicure, I sort of raise one eye up from my gossip mag to watch them wrangle the little guy off of his buddy. “Oh, you bwake toe?” I just smile and shake my head.
I take no issue with wearing flip-flops in the summer or any other cute, toe-revealing shoe. The only shoes I do steer away from are the ones with a long strap that goes over the bridge of the foot and connects to the sole between the first and second toe. Those just remind me of a g-string, which, isn’t cute anywhere it’s worn.
It’s been that way my entire life. And it’s funny because people will ask me what happened and I simply let them know nothing happened, per se. It was just born that way. Or so I thought.
I was talking to my mom about said toe the other day and she told me she has a sneaky suspicion as to what caused it. I was like “What? You know how it got this way?” “The only thing I can think of,” she said “was that I made you wear these cute little Huaraches (Mexican sandals) when you were a baby. They were just adorable. They might have squished your little toes together. So cute.”
It was like an episode of “Who Do You Think You Are.” This great mystery that defines such a big part of my life finally unveiled. Not really.
But my mind immediately races to the night in February where I put the sweetest little pair of froggy shoes on Tanner while on vacation. “I only did it once,” I thought. “And they went so well with his seer sucker mini-man pants that I just had to.”
Needless to say his toes are just fine. Perfect in fact. But, sorry mom, he won’t wear cute little Huaraches any time soon.